Sinking

Have you ever wanted to sink into the sky?

Drown in it.
Breath it in.

Forget everything.


A feeling like falling,
I just keep lying.

Wanting to be brave,
wanting to love.

I'm afraid.

To be betrayed again.
Of betraying.

I just keep hiding,
behind the code of poetry.
Because of this,
no one will ever understand.

Well, no one really reads it
unless I throw it in front of their face.

I dunno,
if I can even publish this one.

I was riding the bus home today.
Stared out the window.
All I did,
but.
I felt like I was being separated
from this stupid body.

A little bit scary,
I'll admit.

But I remembered a bit of how I felt that day.
Now what am I supposed to do?

It's becoming summer too fast,
I'm still wearing my turquoise coat.
I ran to catch up this morning
so I wouldn't be left behind
by that ridiculous yellow school-mobile.
I sweated like a penguin in Texas.
But I wouldn't remove
that coat for some reason.
I think I might be an idiot.
?

That stupid dog
breathing all over my lemon cake.
I stole my mothers chocolate bar
ate the whole thing
handed her the wrapper.

I can't even spell 'turquoise' right
without the spell check.
Dang it.

This is worthless.

What the heck am I writing anyways?

I feel like throwing everything away.

I need a vacation.
I need sleep.
I need alone time.
I need new music.
I need to forget.
I need to stop.

I've noticed I have a habit
of saying 'a bit' .
Now that I've noticed it.
I'm annoyed.

I'm always annoyed.

Why?
How could I not be...

Great.
My stomach hurts.
Stress? Anxiety?

I think this might be a type of therapy.
One that's a double edged sword, though.

I gotta stop writing this rubbish
and start doing my English homework.
I feel pressured to do well in that class
because the teacher recognized me.
How annoying.

Hate the sun. Wish I lived somewhere rainy.
With lots of shade.
But not too cold.
I hate it when my toes and hands turn blue.

This is starting to get boring.
If you're even reading this far, stop it.
You're ruining a few minutes of your life.

Wait.
Did I just admit that I would post this?

My feet hurt...
Went a bit  too far with the jump rope yesterday.
panicked for my ears in band today.
It felt all wrong.

I think its decided,
that I'm bored of my everyday life.
But I'm just being stupid.
The reason I keep living it
is because I'm still somewhat amused.
See?
A liar.

"She stole the beauty from the milk,
and left us with just the whiteness."
I keep remembering that line from a book I'm reading.

This is getting way too long.

Though I hear some poems go on for pages and pages.
Like the Odyssey, or Shakespeare.
Still too long for me though.

I traced the lines of the clouds against the lines of sky
in that bus.
Somehow the things I remember the most
are the little things.

I'm sick of being dead.
"I'm sick in every way but one.."
what way is that though?
Great.

Something different
about the sky today.
Dawn was beautiful.