Aurora

Aurora
by me(whatever)

I have become a single light,
perplexed to stay alone,
in this wide, wide world
with no hope still alive,
floating on with no end in sight.

Fluorescent green on the edges,
only hides my colors for you.
With no eyes to see my soul,
I'm left with a name like the sunrise.

My existence echoes lonely in the night,
singing a low voiced song.
With only enough warmth for dreamers to share,
I'm stripped of particles.

Moving within this being,
are a million strings all pulling at once.
How can I tell you?
How can I keep hidden?
With nowhere to go,
I hide in my gravitation,
only waiting for the sun
to hide me again.

U.S.S. Indianapolis Narrative

U.S.S. Indianapolis Narrative

*written for my English class

My feet clanked on the floor as I shoved myself down the walkway, the smell of hot smoke in my nostrils mingling with the wafts of burning flesh and rubber. I held a burned hand over my mouth and nose as I groped with the other through the red haze that had obscured everything into abstract shapes I no longer recognized. This is ridiculous, I thought.  What hit us? I could feel the ship taking on water through my legs, even as the whole platform underneath me steadily tipped to the side. “Abandon Ship!” I cried, “Abandon Ship!” Other sailors echoed my call, red lumps stumbling in the close distance. A few bumped hard into me, one sending me sprawling across the second deck just as I reached it. I rushed around, trying to find a means to jump off. The engines were still going down beneath me, churning the ship into carrying more and more water. Around me people were screaming, rushing to find a kapok lifejacket, or anything that could possibly hold them in the Philippine Sea.

 I studied my surroundings. Somehow I would have to be able to jump into the water and avoid getting hit by anything on the way down. My eyes settled dimly on a large iron hook. I grappled my hands onto it, the throbbing of my burning hands rejecting the idea with a burst of pain. But there was no time for other actions, so I tensed my muscles and pushed off the ship as far as I could go. For a moment I saw the dense moonlight illuminate the dark horizon, and then I plunged down into the abyss of night water, watching the surface rise up to meet me. Like a fool I thought only of what the water would feel like. The water smacked me as hard as a punch in the stomach. It was luke-warm. My lungs expanded reflexively, and I rose to the surface coughing and sputtering. The salt-water I had swallowed did not compliment the fuel oil taste at all. I swam away from the sinking ship, feeling like I was crawling as slow as a toddler. I wiped my face with my blackened hand, only succeeding in smearing the oil there into streaks across my cheeks, nose and forehead. Through the stars in my vision, I narrowed my eyes out towards sea to try and find someone else. The only light was the fire reflecting on the waters, and the moon above me. But I finally spotted a dark shape bobbing a few yards away from me. I paddled forward, calling out to him. “Cox?” he asked, “is that you?”

“Yeah, is that you Josey?” I answered, squinting at the figure in the darkness.

“Yeah, um, I’m hurt pretty badly.”

I could barely see his face in the meager light, but as I looked, even I could see it was pale.

“Oh,” I registered quietly, not having anything to offer him. I turned around and watched the ship sink deeper and deeper into the ocean. Behind me I could feel Josey watching to. Its aft end was up, and men were still jumping off of it into the sea. The propellers were still spinning in their endless circles like a pair of broken merry go rounds.

“There she goes,” he whispered.

                Someone shook me in the darkness. “Cox,” the sailor said, “Cox!” I popped open one eye only to see Woody with his beloved boatswain’s pipe hanging about his neck. He never let go of that thing, I thought, not even to take a shower. “Yeah, I hear ya,” I grumbled, wiping the sleep out of my eyes.

“It’s your watch,” he said, wavering about to make sure I got up.

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, flipping open the cot covers and stuffing my already socked feet into boots. I was already dressed, which was the way I went to bed; thinking I could get a few extra winks.

“You always sleep in your uniform like that?” Woody asked.

“Mmmm,” I said, not in the mood for conversation.

“I couldn’t do it,” he replied. He led me to the door, waved me out, and shut it behind me. The brightly lit hallway pierced my eyes like a two-edged sword. I waved Woody goodbye as he headed down the opposite way. Rubbing my eyes, I plunked my feet up into the bridge. My fellow midnight watchers were already there, and Newkirk had taken over the steering.

“You’re the engine phones,” he said, pointing. I made my way over, but just as I was about to put them on over my head, an explosion rang out and I was ripped up into the air about five feet. Without knowing what was happening, I came down hard on my belly and had the wind knocked out of me. Struggling for breath, I scrambled up and tried to get my bearings. Debris was falling on top of us, heat and fire mixing together. It was hard to breathe.

“Captain!” Newkirk yelled. Captain Mcvoy struggled up out of the next room.

“Captain, we’re sinking,” the control officer said, hard on the dials, “we’re about to roll. Awaiting orders.” The captain hesitated for a moment.

“Abandon ship, then,” he cried, “Spread the word!” He spun his way down the ladder to the next deck, all of us following in a less than orderly style.  “Abandon ship! Abandon ship! Abandon ship!”

“Abandon ship, abandon ship, abandon ship, abandon ship,” I echoed, “abandon ship, abandon ship, abandon ship.”

My own voice startled me out of my dream, and I opened my eyes to the trembling reflections of dusk on the oil surfaced sea. It was beautiful, yet ugly, like a renaissance painting. It took me a while to remember where I was. Josey was floating next to me, his eyes clouded over with a fine mist. He hadn’t lasted very long. I sighed, and touched my hands to his face, closing his eyes. He was dead-cold. I pulled off his kapok life-jacket and handed it to another sailor who didn’t have one. I held him up for a while, staring at his face, trying to etch it into my memory. Then I let go, and he plunged into the waters, gone forever. I knew where I was now. It had been the third day since the ship sank, and everyone was at their wits end. The dream was so real that I could almost still feel the explosion knocking me to the ground. I could see in the men’s faces that they had mostly given up. We had figured that since we had been scheduled to arrive in the Philippines in only a day, that rescue would not be long on its way. But it had been long hours since the dusk of the first day, and still no sign of rescue had come. Planes had flown by us overhead, but despite us flashing mirrors at them, none of them had spotted us.

                It had been the second day when we had first noticed the sharks. You could see their fins striking the water surface like blades. The water was crystal clear, and you would see them, gliding through the water like a type of sea dragon ready to send us to hell. We all bunched together into groups, seeing the singles go first. In the daylight we held ripped pieces of cloth around our eyes to keep out the fierce daylight, and when it got all quiet, you knew what would happen next. Suddenly, a man would scream out, and if you peeked out from behind the blindfold, all you would see was the scarlet color of blood seeping into the oil black renaissance painting, creating a sickening montage. I tried not to look. But I imagined it all the same. And in some strange way, I envied the dead. It was already over for them. I looked at the sharks, and imagined what their teeth would feel like, wrapped around my body like a million needles.

                The thirst was unbearable. My mouth was numb with it, and I constantly was exploring the crevices of it with my tongue to find the smallest portion of wet. Despite knowing it was wrong, I sometimes sucked up salt water and rinsed my mouth with it. But whenever I spit it out again, my mouth was left feeling dryer than ever. It was so hot in the daylight, that it felt as though I was shriveling up like a raisin. At night it was so cold that you would forget you were thirsty, and simply yearn for the sun to rise again. And when it did, the cycle would start over again. No doubt the best time was dusk, when it was neither hot nor cold, just warm. But it was dusk when the sharks attacked the most. Though funnily, the sharks were the least of my worries. I was mostly wary of the men, my fellow sailors.

“Sir,” one of the men said to an officer next to me, “The ship isn’t sunk; it’s just below the surface. You can’t see it, but if we swam over we could get a drink of fresh water, and maybe even get an ice-cream from the Geedunk.” His eyes were full of disillusionment, and the officer’s patience was thin.

“Shut your hallucinated yap,” he said, and gave the man a wallop in the face. This started another of the many fist fights, and in the end the hallucinated man was lying face down in the water, drowned and dead. But even so, some of the men believed his story and swam over to where the ship sank. Only a few of them made it back, and without any fresh water. Even though I had known it to be a lie, some part of me had believed the dead man, and I was angry when they returned empty handed. I gave the man nearest to me a wrestle, and this started another fight. By the end of it, I had bruises all over, and my skin stripped hand was bleeding. We were scattered all over. But when night came, we all located each other and bunched together in a tight mass to try and get warm. Sometimes at these times, I would close my eyes, and almost dream a little. I would dream of my life back on the Texas farm, with my brothers and father and mother all smiling like. We would all sit at the large, sturdy wooden dinner table and I would binge on rolls, turkey, ham, potatoes, and soup while my family all laughed and sang happily. I would be drinking my fourth gallon of water when I snapped out of it and came to my senses. I would stare around at the sailors with their eyes closed in silence, breathing steadily, but not sleeping at all. We all looked the same with the black fuel oil covering our bodies and faces. I would think to myself that it didn’t matter if we all died, since we were all the same like. No one would be able to tell the difference between that dead man with his eyes clouded over, and that dead man over there with his head in the water. I would laugh at myself with these thoughts. And then I would scold myself for laughing. I knew I was going half-mad. Sometimes I would see ships in the distance, but they would turn out to be nothing but a figment of my imagination. The kapok lifejackets were getting soggy, and I thought that we would die soon. It would be a relief, I thought, to get away from here.

And then the plane came.

We didn’t think it had spotted us, but it circled around, and we knew we were seen. Something bottled in all of us suddenly released, and we were all limp with relief. A PBY came later and I could see it wrapping up men in the distance. I don’t know when exactly it was, but the Doyle came and the sailors dragged me aboard. It was daft, but through the whole four days, everything felt like a dream. It felt so good to walk on the platform of the ship that I almost forgot what it was like to be in the water.  A few days later I saw Woody, and a while after that I saw Newkirk and the Captain. But I remembered one thing that made it forever a reality. I would never see Josey Clifford again.

Silence Killer

Silence Killer
by me(whatever)
to this song: Tokyo Teddy Bear (Wotamin)

No matter,
there is nothing left to kill
of myself, where did it wander off to?
If I left a sentence unfinished,
Answering with a worn-out silence,
Competing with your scratchy noise
it's still not enough.

I don't need it,
so listen.
Denial in its most desperate form,
only reveals your own lies.
I have no more patience.
Because whatever you say,
I won't answer.

Farewell, the things I love
the things I hate.
They were waving with imaginary hands.
Each holding their own knife.

So shut up now.
Your forgetting where I am,
a million years into the future,
they won't come.
Even if you cry,
I feel nothing.
So listen, slowly.
The beating of your own body.
Is closing up.

The map of thoughts,
so elaborate, even if it was in your palms.
You still wouldn't understand it.

See?
There is nothing left.
These rags aren't getting either of us far enough
I can still hear it.
Right next to me, breathing behind my neck
your silence.

Why not?
If you asked yourself for one moment,
You'd realize.
I liked being confused.
Like a riddle enveloping me,
embracing from the scenery.
So violent, yet gentle
I'm leaving this reality behind.

So listen!
If I pulled out my weapon from behind,
glinting like cold moonlight.
Would your words exceed themselves?
I could become a part,
but I confess, and I convey,
that I prefer this over an excuse.

Now it's nowhere,
not close to anything you'd recognize.
I've had my beginning overused,
refusing to view the present.
So I watch the blood run down my arms,
marvelling at the color.
Unchanging, those fleshy tongues
I can't be honest,
I can't lie.
Since I don't know the answer?

Not here,
I'm not here.
This isn't enough!
I bite down hard enough,
and it's starting to run.
But still no words,
no words.
Only here, in it's full glory
Only here, in my full pain
I watch your expressions,
giving their own annoying explanations.
But still,
the only thing I give,
the only thing I need.
is Silence.

Town of Time

Town of Time
by me(whatever)

Foolish, ol' little me,
fell into step behind the fluffy eared thief,
Stalking- and stalking,
my grandfathers watch dangling from its mouth.

One day it was it was on the mantelpiece,
the next moment it wasn't.
All because of a little mechanism,
I was dragged ignorantly into the Town of Time.
How Quaint.

An unfinished story, here it is,
How am I supposed to tell this?

I woke up on a sore backside,
frozen stiff in the Forest of Shadows.
Hearing Notes playing on clarinet,
I fell trap into ticking mushrooms.
They blow you up, you know?

Squeaking a few shrewd inhuman sounds,
fungi unwrapped, and friendship began.
Though mostly argumentative
we, tangled by wind wrap, found ourselves in Time.

Hero

A new world became imminent with all that power.
"You thought you could just stuff it in a bottle and be done with it?" Notes shook her head.
"I know, I know," I said with my head in my hands, "obviously it would find its way about out of that hole I threw it in and wreak havoc all over the Nineteen Series. How was I supposed to know?"
Notes looked at the destroyed city expanse in front of her, disappearing little by little.
"Whether you knew or not doesn't really matter anymore. But either way, this is going to take more than a little cleaning up." She pointed her nose to the horizon to clarify her point. I looked up and watched the moon clock begin to be eaten away, dangling on its string like a rotting puppet. She was darn right about that, I'd give her that.
"So," she said, flashing her Cheshire grin at me, "are you ready to be the hero now?"

I'd like to Meet a Monster

I'd like to meet a Monster
by me(whatever)
to this song: Of Monsters and Men- Mountain Sound
(Introduced kindly on Chiaroscuro Knight by Alyse)

I'd like to meet a monster.
Three million times bigger than I am,
or the size of my pinky toe.
Either way's fine,
But I'd like to meet a monster.

I'd like to meet a monster.
Shake hands with hoofs, paws, tentacles, beaks, feelers,
And I promise I wouldn't gag against your breath,
if you happened to be a monster who likes to tell jokes.
If you were a monster,
Well, I'd like to meet you.

I'd like to meet a monster,
Friendly or deadly,
I'd still chase after you all the same.
And if we could have a party,
Never sleep until the sun comes up,
I feel that would be a good thing,
Don't you?

I'd like to meet a monster,
tromping through the woods in an unusual parade,
Tropical feathers mixed with mucous and spiral horns.
We all feel the same about our differences,
So whats the trouble of sticking together?
I can't see through the cat on your tongue,
Give me a hint, please.
Am I a monster too?

I'd like to meet a monster,
fly on the zombie of a dodo bird,
We can hit the stars, you'll see-
hold your head up high,
no need to hide.

I'd like to meet a monster,
yellow eyes, grime, and bristled rainbow hair,
South into a discoed metamorphosis,
Jumping branch to branch,
this journey on an observers past.
I have a whole collection buried in my closest,
But where- I forgot where,
Perhaps if I got your help,
We could find it?

I'd like to meet a monster,
it doesn't matter in the end,
What you could possibly look like.
Give me your most eccentric expression,
I'll snap a photo next to you.
Smaller than my pinky finger, or larger than my school building,
We'll have a rendezvous without those humans,
deep into the ocean night,
holding hands with wings, bones, and hairy fingers,
Shouting for the end to our searchings,
We're nothing like anyone else.
Burrowed into the fresh built Earth,
Gliding our lives top hurricane clouds-

Monsters are everywhere, Monsters are everyone.
Monsters are you, Monsters am I.
Didn't you know?

Sail the treetops to the dance-ground-
Listen with ears furry, wide, fleshy, spiked
Fall until we Crash -BaBang!-
Curve around all corners of the spectrum.
I'll think only so much, ignore everything else
Have you noticed through the atmosphere,
all those tiny dots we pricked through?
We're holding up the sun,
singing with all our strange tongues,
Beautiful incomprehensible words.

And as we ride in this turmoil,
I'll remember for as long as I live,
The hooves, tentacles, feelers, beaks, and paws
attached to all their different places,
each pointing out each others variations,
And with a blank, dreamy mind,
think happily in bed,
a single head propped up against a pillow,
Saying to myself out loud
How much I'd indeed,
Like to meet a monster.

Pursuing Stars and the Future

Pursuing Stars and the Future
by me(whatever)

Slowly opening my eyes,
viewing a moon the size of my palm,
I held my tears against my pillow.

burrowing further into my blankets,
an empty exhaustion suddenly overtakes.
Because I realized who I was,
at last,
I escaped into a vision of stars.

Unexplainable darkness curtains
from the ceiling to my invisible toes.
A goddess talking outside the room,
a long, long way away from here.

Alone with the ghosts around me,
the pen wobbled in my hand,
holding unutterable words

How long do the same days stretch,
ahead of this body reduced to smoke?

How long do I remain here?

How long do I continue to dream?

In the way vapors hold their breath,
I wish to continue this existence pulled of a black hole.
Somehow with the future given me,
please, can I escape my vision of scars?

With the paper clips of another world,
I sent a letter full of cowardly words.
How long do I run away?

Why is the Earth round?
I'm slipping off on the corners-
My mouth is frozen to my tongue,
winding phrases only heard
by the shadows in my bedroom.

If you stopped to notice,
you'd realize the future is unmeasurable.

Drifting like dust to disappear,
I coldly collect abandoned things.
Raveling with a wind sent of constellations,

I collect my visions of stars.

A bottle of lint in my closet,
I spread them around the bottomless sky.
silently watching snow fall through years.

Electric plug connecting to the comet,
clinging desperately to the tail.
I search my empty mind
for a once loved color-

Give it back to me
now.