Last Goodbye

Last Goodbye
by me(whatever)
1/17/16

I take a deep breath,
a solitary night deepened in white.
On the jungle gym, I brush off the snow,
swinging back and forth to the milky way and back.

there might not be many people
who understand you and me,
as though we were left behind
by those around us,
the empty air to affront us
was filled with sludge.

This is the last goodbye
and the first hello.
on the stairs lit by windows,
conversations I've forgotten.
Like a secret base in the summer,
like a hide away in the winter,
I was there with you.
no one noticed.

time has fled and flown away,
to a place I'm no longer able to reach.
I've always been selfish; a normal human.
the type I despise, but...
in a selfishly altruistic way,
I truly loved you.

"Someone who understands me" -
that's what I said I didn't want, right?
Excuses made up for the pain that I didn't want to feel,
the same way lies work for someone who can't see past them.
So I can properly convey myself to you, I want
to see you as who you really, really are.

The snow flies past the windows,
as though I'm watching a scene from another world.
I take a deep breath, close my eyes,
take a wish from the galactic railroad.
I don't need to know you 100%,
just as you don't need to know me.
It's okay if I'm alone for the rest of my life,
because I have acquired what I have truly wanted.
after all.

This is the last goodbye.

It's kind of funny, right?
Despite all that time together,
did we really know who the other was?

time-traveler

time-traveler
by me(whatever)
to: Forestpireo- not losing to the rain, not losing to the wind

tomorrow, when it will be sunny,
with the clouds as fluffy as unshorn sheep.
I'll take out the checkered blanket and basket,
walk up to the hill with the poppies,
and I'll have a picnic with the air.

the day after tomorrow, which was dark,
with the clouds like islands in the sky.
I stayed indoors all day, washing the dishes,
staring outside at the wind through the trees,
and sang a song no one could hear.

yesterday, when it was raining,
with the clouds as flat as marble.
I tread out of town with a lady-bug umbrella,
splashing quietly through the barren streets,
window-shopping for the teacups you wanted.

the day before yesterday, which will be snowy,
with the clouds reflecting the ground.
I will climb a tree without leaving footprints,
replay the music box from you, who's never met me
and watch the world disappear.

Sandcastle

Sandcastle
by me(whatever)
Thu 9/3/15 4:36 AM
to: akino arai- kakusei toshi

A girl built a sandcastle,
on a blistering, blue summers day
in the month of February
when the ocean turned it's back.

A girl wonders to herself
if glass is better left as sand
and she fixtures a white flag
from a twig and a napkin.

A girl stood in an empty ocean bed
and felt herself drowning
so she dug a wind-filled moat
for the water to find.

A girl watches for the moon
from her windows made of sand.
And she continues to question
what it is that it reflects.

The girl receives a message of snow,
riding on the waves of the dunes.
And she leaves the sand as sand
for a land she's never seen.

by me(whatever)
to: Miku- Palmtop Wonderland (Nekobolo)

The star I looked for that day,
floated quietly through the water.
The truth in the lies you told,
and the lies in your flawed truths
melted the snow from off it's surface.
And now no one knows how far it's gone,
whether to someones tears or someones dream.

To the Ocean

To the Ocean
by me(whatever)
to: School Food Punishment- Beer Trip

Today too, in your locker,
a shattered piece of rain
leaks down the shelves and wets your sleeves
as you were waiting for a message.
 
Telephone poles point to the sky,
on your way home holding a useless umbrella.
remembering the last words they spoke,
piling up, accumulating, gathering together like snow.

I want to forget my body,
and let only my essence escape
in a sunny blue day with no worries.
It's just foolishness.

The last stop on the train,
and you clutch your bag a little tighter.
3,4,5, days it's been, and a cold day in March,
you throw away your school supplies down the empty well.

Let's go to the ocean.
Just you and me,
like when you begged me that one, last time.
Let's go to the ocean,
Let's go to the ocean.

Let's go to the ocean,
forget our mistakes,
see the sun reflect on the water.
Let's go to the ocean.
walk along the sand with our shoes in our hands.

I want to find the line where heart and logic connect,
and cut away all the secrets we hid there.
Bicycling along a path lined in 3-leaf clovers,
like the ones you'd collect in your soda bottles.

A's marked vertically, as though trying to prove something,
ash floats to the surface of the bowl.
glances from the teachers, tight conversations,
the janitor's bucket spilled down the stairs.

If I could travel back in time,
If I could return the books you let me borrow.
today too, all of these what-if stories
will rain on the leaky roof above my head.

So let's go to the ocean,
Just you and me,
to the place you wanted to go,
Let's go to the ocean,
Let's go to the ocean.

Let's go to the ocean,
forget our regrets,
where the waves will carry us,
Let's go to the ocean,
I won't forget you, no, not ever.

Let's go to the ocean,
Only you and me,
and I'll give you a little taste of hope,
so let's go to the ocean,
Let's go to the ocean. 

Hypothesis

Hypothesis
by me(whatever)
to: 夜明けと蛍

It's a story from long ago,
and it's not as though we're still the same.
There's not even a way for us
to touch the past without these worthless words.

Burns from the snow, leaking eyes from
stars that are too bright, too vibrant.
Even the theories you made-up about you, me, them,
is an empty well dried up in history.

There isn't a point in dwelling like this,
even if it's to try and understand what went wrong. 
the more you flail and scream, the closer the pain will be.
I know this.

There's no such thing as someone who isn't human,
all fallen and drowned under hopeless motivations.
beyond the barrier, in the green, green grass
there's still no way for you to escape yourself.

When morning comes, on a day faraway from now,
I hope that even in the way I think, you'll be a stranger.
But for now, walk on, walk on, walk on,
hand-in-hand with your philosophy.

Things in the Snow

Things in the Snow
by me(whatever)
to: Kenshi Yonezu- Love and Fever

blue, white, red,
colors I wish I were.
Outlining an invisible shape
I carried so many things,
things you can never know about.

If I said I loved you,
what does that even mean?
Outside at night slipping past us all,
transparent glass we can't see through,
a fish globe lit by stars.

Dreaming of places you'll never go,
you're full of contradictions.
Blaming others for the person you've become,
wandering from here to there without an umbrella,
I wonder when you'll realize it.

A place no one else knows about,
I've lost my way.
When it snows all I can do is think about you,
sitting alone in the cold.
What to do, what to do?
Hey, could I hold your hand?"

We're not going anywhere,
stuck here in this place we've lost.
Lies and truth are overlapping,
playing with deceit in it's most innocent form,
so we don't end up hating each other.

Scratching the walls with a ruined pencil,
the one I received from you that day.
If I said that I still love you,
could you tell me what that meant?
I've forgotten all the important things you told me.

the moon has eaten up all of your expressions,
the more we learn of each other, the more we run.
I had a dream last night where we finally understood
all the things the other has been carrying.
What to do, what to do?
I wander and look for you,

And it starts to snow.

Chocolate Almonds

Chocolate Almonds
by me(whatever)
to: Yanagi Nagi- Finder

chocolate almonds,
fig bars,
sweet cranberries,
candy to nourish my brain.
Studying in a dim lighted room,
where one light bulb has already broken,
I listen to the same songs over and over.
Note writing about the universe,
I can't remember the last time I saw daylight.
seriously.

I haven't written a poem in a while,
wandering about the normalcy's of life.
A fairytale future that I believed in as a child,
is turning out to be so different.
I have to write about Jupiter, it's red spot,
and it's four largest moons discovered by Galileo...
peek out the blinds at 4 in the morning,
dark, light, white, fields of rice,
we rush to the window, my cat and I,
it's snowing!

Let's say that I've solved all the mysteries,
and I've discovered what they say is "who I am".
Somehow trekking through problems, and finding "answers",
hasn't let me put one foot in front of the other.
a dusty book shelf I haven't touched in a while,
a Daruma doll with both eyes blank,
a pen running out of ink,
yet only writing worthless nonsense.
What's the difference between a meteor, meteoroid, meteorite?
If I could change my name by being where I am,
I would go immediately to your side.

The Snow Knows

The Snow Knows
by me(whatever)
to: miku- snow knows

A little bit of time alone at my part-time job,
I stop sweeping, and grasp the handle.
Opaque skies, red, gold, greens clinging to the trees, 2 pm,
the first snow.

I wonder where you are,
and I wonder who you've become.
A window without glass standing in front of me,
blanketing the towers, grass, and forgotten summer toys.

white breaths,
black jackets,
red strings,
the snow knows.

the wooden railing is covered in glitter,
brushing it off impatiently, I peer over into the world.
white covers everything, like fresh sheets without ink,
and I fancy it's waiting to draw my voice away.

I wonder where you are,
and I wonder who you really were.
checkered gray concrete, blue numbers, silent streets, 3 pm,
the first snow.

white breaths,
black jackets,
red strings,
the snow knows.

Matches

Matches
by me(whatever)
to: Trees in our Homeland

The world is white
I held hands with you
in the endless horizon
where the sky meets the land.

I might have felt kindness,
however much I've fought against it.
Yet I still can hear nothing
on the other side.

Who are you?
that appears from the pitch black darkness
I've been swallowed in
ever since my youth

I've seen a layered flower
scenting my dreams with seeds.
What will they sprout into?
the stars fall from the night.

Don't forget me,
In this empty world
alone since birth,
and until then...

and now there is only
the quiet sound of snow on snow.
Purify my sleep with warm illusions,
let me go to where you are.

"It's far" "It's cold"
please remember me
as you saw me back then
until now...

Farewell

Farewell
by me(whatever)
to: Miku- Goodbye April doppel

breath came out in clouds,
wafted up to the milky way.
And disappearing, it asked a question,
"Is anyone there?"
it said.

without seeing the shape,
shadow spilled on the snow.
crunching steps, and all of a sudden, silence,
"Is anything beyond here?"
it said.

fumbling the layers of a coat,
wind spills dust as it rushes through.
shivering from where it's been, it murmurs quietly,
"Can even you not see me?"
it said.

Whispers

Whispers
by me(whatever)
to  miku- Inside a silent room

The rabbits on the moon are whispering,
without any set rhythm or ...
I looked up by tilting my balance
and found fish floating in the shadows of my aqueous humor. 

If you drop the words like rain on the summer grass,
there won't be any memory or ...
I looked through the mirror by tilting my hand
and found a wish to dye the night by sodium hypochlorite.

The freezing snow blanketing the forest trees,
without any warmth or ...
I looked beside me by tilting the earth
and found an empty room.

Snow Globe

Snow Globe
by me(whatever)
to Sky Fish

distortion rules in this claustrophobic space,
I wish on my 154 shooting stars.
In another time, in another place,
to extend beyond these bars.

There's a snowman who always smiles,
never responding, and never changing.
yet far and beyond, miles and miles,
those words are exchanging.

white and white and white,
winter in the bottled clear sea.
my hands attached too, too tight
on a sleigh that won't come free.

this color is painted,
drowning, artificial?, alive?,
the blue out there is tainted,
waiting for your mind to revive.

A castle of glass on the other side,
solely I remain in this kingdom.
a crown only the lonely have tried,
where you have everything but freedom.

Standing

Standing
by me(whatever)
to Of Monsters and Men- Dirty Paws

some days come short,
some come long.
without realizing where I stood at all,
I must've found where I belong.

the way is hard,
it hurts to care.
the mountains among your heart,
are wondering how you'll fare.

The oceans sing songs,
edging across the border.
To reach you is like knocking,
knocking from the corridor.

Some days I'm here,
some I've disappeared.
the birds have all gone,
returning when the storms are cleared. 

If it was yesterday,
if it was today,
against the deep wood slope,
to be where your mind has strayed.

There's a whisper in the valleys,
where your voice has left a shadow.
When I wander beyond the hills,
I listen and swallow.

If it's today,
If it's tomorrow,
it calls and calls and calls,
answering for your sorrow.

the snow sings songs,
over the peaks above.
The clouds cover the world below,
where everything's dead but love.

Some days come short,
some come long.
Without realizing where I stood,
I must've found where I belong.

Snow

Snow
by me(whatever)
to Twinkle Melody

The snow is falling,
on this Saturday morning.
The gravitated cotton puffs,
blanket the world in a quilt.

Like blossoms opening their buds,
sakura spill from the clouds.
Descending to us from heaven,
a million white letters. 

It's a design,
the graffiti summers,
the monochrome winters.

millions of 6-pointed stars
shot down for children's wishes.

Snowman

Snowman
by me(whatever)
to Lucky

I'm cold,
I'm snow,
but you fastened on my head,
and settled your warm scarf
around my shoulders.

I can't move,
I can't even blink,
but here I am,
alive because you created me.

I'm white,
I'm freezing,
afraid of the sun rising.
But as I stay without any feet,
I can feel the world revolving.

I can't speak,
I can't mutter a single word,
of thanks or sorries to you.
Born at the human hand,
I have no mouth, except
a pretty little line of nuts.

I'm happy,
I'm frustrated,
soon I will die.
I watch over the night,
and the day who melts me,
won't defeat me now.

I won't be gone,
until you come home.
You're warm,
you're important,
you formed me out of ice,
breathing vapor as you said hello.

So I'll wait,
and I'll wait,
shelling over,
crumbling,
pieces of me falling,
falling away.

"Hello"
I never sleep,
but I watch with a lopsided smile
the stars winking in the sky.

I'm cold,
I'm snow,
but I'm warming,
I'm warming!
But I'm leaving,
I'm leaving....

"Hello"
You speak,
and you see,
unfastening your frosted scarf
from the pile of slush,
that is me.

Winter Footsteps

Winter Footsteps
by me(whatever)
to Hiro no Hoshi and miku- aurora

The first day of winter,
a step on the dying grass
frosted letters from the mailbox,
rustling in my arms.

the sky glazes over in gray
Like an old photograph,
the world is tipped in black

To take a breath is stinging,
a frozen cleanliness empties our lungs.
in a solitary silence
you make hand-prints in the snow.

Time is so fast,
yet in these months it seems to stand still.

You hold out your thumb,
creating a human compass.
Night falls at 5 O'clock
illuminating our footsteps.

The trees have shed their umbrellas,
coats, and clothes.
Passing by,
I feel like looking back a little.

Because I get the feeling
we're in a snow-globe.

The moon echoes from here,
a quiet sound like a music box.
Swallowing this pure white setting,
I leave in cold feet.

Cafe

Cafe
by me(whatever)
to kamakura 

onomatopoeia,
blizzard at the next cafe
loose ribbons;
flowing from your collar.

we need a sound,
halolimnic.
unwrapping the dripping overcoat,
you sigh.

Silver spoon;
playing tomato soup.
rarissima,
music for your ears only.

blossoming kites,
painted cream walls.
laughter, easy atmosphere
umbraculiform.

Pursuing Stars and the Future

Pursuing Stars and the Future
by me(whatever)

Slowly opening my eyes,
viewing a moon the size of my palm,
I held my tears against my pillow.

burrowing further into my blankets,
an empty exhaustion suddenly overtakes.
Because I realized who I was,
at last,
I escaped into a vision of stars.

Unexplainable darkness curtains
from the ceiling to my invisible toes.
A goddess talking outside the room,
a long, long way away from here.

Alone with the ghosts around me,
the pen wobbled in my hand,
holding unutterable words

How long do the same days stretch,
ahead of this body reduced to smoke?

How long do I remain here?

How long do I continue to dream?

In the way vapors hold their breath,
I wish to continue this existence pulled of a black hole.
Somehow with the future given me,
please, can I escape my vision of scars?

With the paper clips of another world,
I sent a letter full of cowardly words.
How long do I run away?

Why is the Earth round?
I'm slipping off on the corners-
My mouth is frozen to my tongue,
winding phrases only heard
by the shadows in my bedroom.

If you stopped to notice,
you'd realize the future is unmeasurable.

Drifting like dust to disappear,
I coldly collect abandoned things.
Raveling with a wind sent of constellations,

I collect my visions of stars.

A bottle of lint in my closet,
I spread them around the bottomless sky.
silently watching snow fall through years.

Electric plug connecting to the comet,
clinging desperately to the tail.
I search my empty mind
for a once loved color-

Give it back to me
now.

Underneath the World

Underneath the World
by me(whatever)
to this song: Sky Gate [FELT]

Underneath the world, 
when I wake in the darkness,
no one to see from anywhere,
snow lighting my footsteps,
My freezing body holding a warm soul.
I still live on like this,
lying to everyone except the moon,
expecting pain from every direction,
yes,
if only I could fly there.

My cheeks iced in red,
the wind beats through my body,
confused about the season,
I still stand out here
waiting for spring to pop up.
I can't help it, you see
I feel so warm,
I could spread
like butter in the night sky,
giving my back to wings,
walking on the milky-way,
never hoping dawn will come

I want to live like this,
watching the green and blue turn far away,
dissolving within the space of time
a harp-played rain,
twinkling down into stars
waltzing like orange city lights,
fearing nothing but the end of the feeling.
Snowflakes twirling in my heart,
creating an ice umbrella that deflects nothing
numb toes and a reflection in my eyes,
giving in and looking down the gravel
I puff out my feet.

Time was short.

if this wind never stops,
even if its comforting with scents of flowers,
I will always be reminded,
of this memory underneath the world
where no one but me resides,
where only I reside,
With the wind, the snowflakes, the rain, the moon, the stars
falling in and out,
and inside out
with this melody.