Gardening Girl/ Astronaut Boy

Gardening Girl/ Astronaut Boy
by me(whatever)
to this song: Merry Merry

If we could spill the contents of our watering can,
on the flowers blooming on the moon
Would they grow large enough to cover the world?
Would I see you again?

If we could blacken our hands in dirt,
planting the fruit trees who spread their roots through the stars
Would the galaxy be held together by our wishes?
Would I see you again?

If I could, say, transcend time,
returning to the seeds of our small smiles
Would our garden extend to banish all the evil in the world?
Would I see you again?

If we could gently fertilize,
the grasses clinging to lonely asteroids
Would we be able to live on them one day?
Would I see you again?

If we could both remove,
the weeds stubbornly born on the sun
Would it shine as bright as my feelings for you?
Would I see you again?

If I could've only said it,
before the storms carried away your smile
Would you return from space?
Would I see you again?

If we could spill the contents of our watering can,
on the flowers blooming on the moon
Would they grow large enough to cover these tears?
Would I see you again?

Would you still be alive?
"I love you."

Used Up

Used up
by me(whatever)

I don't have anything to say.
all my words were used up.
At the end of yesterday.

Fighting against sleepiness,
rushing to and fro.
every single day,
trying as hard as I can.

So why, why?

Oh tell me.
I feel like I'm dying.

forgetting,
every day a little more.

forgetting
magic

Spring Separation

Spring Separation
by me(whatever)

The mist catching the moonlight knocks me off guard.
From far away, a single memory
Where are you?
It's been years since we said goodbye.
"See you again." ?

Was it me or you who left first,
each distancing ourselves?
Covering our emotions,
afraid of the sad truth.

I peer through the foggy night,
searching for a sign of you.
making my eyes water.

I can remember when I first met you,
we were friends without even knowing
how similar our pains were.

In a sky this vast,
I could almost imagine it could meet you.
Somewhere across a distance devoid of vision,
I'm calling out.

"A spring of water;
a spring of hope.
a spring of flowers;
a spring of love."

But the seasons keep on changing.

And every year,
I'm just watching the blossoms.

White-room Radio

White-room Radio
by me(whatever)
to this song: KANA-BOON Desiring short version
Full version (awesome video)

In this room they've never been before,
there is nothing but white.
emerging from the corner, a small voice
whispering to the Earth
"Show me."

The same days ripping from the calendar,
before I knew it, even the weekends were gone.
"You're always so grumpy,"
so negative, yes I know.
What's with the lack of color?

Outside, if I could feel the wind blowing,
from the window an unchanging scene.
Stuck in here with a claustrophobic heart
It just so happens, it's also a coward.

Always so jealous, the sighs that follow
"Aren't you just envious?"
yes, if I may say so
that's who I am
just jealous of the world.

I can't find what's wrong.
Let go.
listen, listen, listen, listen
listen to this old recording radio
spouting out a ripped-off copy of my feelings.

If I could just open the window,
and let the wind snatch me away.
What is it I'm afraid of that I stay here?
Please tell me.

The ceiling blank with stares of Saturday or Sunday,
laying pretending to be asleep on the floor.
restless bad mood circulating with the summer fan,
listen, listen, listen, listen,
and please, somebody slap me into motion.

Tell me the news that feels so far away,
in the end, it's all just a fairy tale to me.
I've always simply lived in my head,
fighting against the barricade.

I can't stay here.
I have to leave.

Let's just say, I tripped and fell in this race of life.
I didn't get up again.
It's shameful, it hurts to lay here.
All I felt was regret for the unreachable past
as the audience slowly got up and left.

So without any applause,
I'm once again crawling like a newborn.
The fuzz seeping through the radio,
nobody wanted to hear it.

I can't let go of it,
so I'm stretching to the door like a rubber-band.
This cold, wavering heart,
I'm going to do my best to ignore it.

Listen, listen, listen, listen
I'm going to stand
listen, listen, listen, listen
I'm standing on my own.

With only these two feet,
I'm leaving alone.

Quietly
From the corner in the empty white room,
a voice seeps out.
An old radio buzzing on the wrong channel,
"Show me."

Cinderella

Cinderella
by me(whatever)
to this song: Endless Waltz

The ropes are drawn
you, who have been hiding in the shadows
suddenly shines.

"Do you believe in magic?"
a ridiculous question.
But if it's now,
even if I'm late...

An entourage of spangle
I remember that dream I had so long ago
Someone like me,
covered in ashes from my past
rescued with a miracle?
But even if I meet you now
will you recognize me?

Beauty twirling in this illusion,
You spot my eyes as they linger
grasp my hand
tightly, gently
lead me into dance.

Surely everything will disappear,
 as soon as I open my eyes.
After all,
how could I be so happy?

The darkness hidden in light,
the light hidden in darkness.
Soon they will wed
in these stars above us,
I'm slowly enveloped in a desperate hope.

The second stage suddenly begins,
I'm finding myself being buried
in these envious eyes.

This spell twisting the runs of my fate,
are they twisting the way you look at me?

If I could just run away,
If I could just stay here.

And at the strike of midnight,
the strike of a cruel hand
to unravel this magic.
I had almost believed...

The dream upholding my existence,
smashed to smithereens.
Running down these steps
I remember every farewell
in these glass shards cutting into me.

How about one more waltz?
And the girl runs crying into the dark forest
Once again,
after a brief rendezvous,
Shadows return to the dark...

Or does a light hide within the trees?
Deep within.

My one wish to meet you
used up my life amount of miracles.
The pumpkin shrinks in rotted glory
and the rats scamper through the mud
tracking their prints all over me.

At the morning bell,
my mistress slaps me to an awakening.

Carrying buckets of water
rushing to and fro through the daylight
avoiding to get stung with these feelings.
As the sun goes down
the girl of shadows watches her prince ride across the sky,
in a large boat made of the moon.

As the restlessness settles,
the girl remembers an illusion.

Twisting over,
she outlines in the ashes of her cinder
a fairy godmother.
weeping like a child
as she says farewell.

Solubility

Solubility
by me(whatever)
to this song: School Food Punishment- Flow

Closing my eyes with a blindfold,
like an echo.
I listen to the music,
pick up my pen and write.

No one lives in this head of mine,
it's just a mirror.
reflecting this every day.
When will the rain shut up?

Slamming the doors in my mind,
a useless body heavy as lead.
In the dark
everything looks so spacious.

Beyond this mask of precocious items
lives a being (soul?) almost dead.
Or maybe it's the first time it's living
with sorrow.

Tomorrows voice won't reach
I pick up my pen and write
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
"I don't care!" in a liar's voice...

In this night I think I love,
I'm numbly replaying everything
Glass shattering in every direction
I envelop my senses in a dull solution.

That voice
overflowing in puddles through my window
Why won't it stop?
When will the rain shut up?

a feeling like wanting to disappear,
dissolving in this dark space
where everything is unjudgeable.
Everything is gone.

Colder,
I'm getting colder.
Lightly, I realize comfortably
The rain is gone

So why am I still drowning?

So,
this is only
a memory.

SKYFISH

SKYFISH
by me(whatever)
to this song: Song of the Ancients Fate
inspired by this song(sorta): Miku Hatsune- Sky Fish

Wanderer,
swimming in this empty ocean sky,
something like scales
glinting against the sun.
SKYFISH

a song like mourning, lamenting?
twisted in these clouds
like the foam against the crashing waves
leaving behind, forgetting?

Surely that day I was in the water,
but flipped over against the mighty mirror
I found a new life...

Undefined, sifting
floating slowly towards a lonely space
full of stars and comets
things that if,
if I return
I'll be burned.

I only wanted
a pair of wings

Dirty, dirty occasional streams,
always ending up against the current
unheard sorrow
invisible predator

Did I
ever love you?

Forget, forgetting
leaving my weight behind
left of any company.

To the freedom called loneliness.

Well, look look!
don't they look the same?
Same blue, same waves, same currents
same feeling..

Just ignore the ground.

Inside of light,
instead of that shallow darkness
Don't disappear.

Leaving everything behind,
forget, forgetting.
Just keep on flying.

I only wanted
to dream

A million wishes blinking
in the night waters
Even leaving my weight behind,
aren't they still as unreachable as ever?

But I will not return.

Even this song,
twisting in the mind winds
Lamenting, mourning
will forget.

So drying up, cracking skin
scales falling like rain
Dissolving against the anger of the sun
forget, forgetting...

I only wanted
a pair of wings

Wanderer,
Falling in this empty ocean sky,
something like scales
glinting against the sun.
Gone again...

SKYFISH

Burning Horizon

Burning Horizon
by me(whatever)
to this song: Takuro Yoshida- Ningen Nante

Something is beyond that horizon
it taunts me with the face of the setting sun
Swigging down my drink,
wiping my nose on my sleeve,
the ending light refracts in the bottle
Twisting the scene into blurry shapes.

Nothing is enough,
soon this miserable life will come to an end.
Yet, something is wrong here.
I'm suddenly feeling the urge to piss
over the bones of dead animals,
and the shedding of rattlesnakes.

Skin tanned by the heat of that blazing sphere,
Sweat perspiring on my forehead.
Holding the rope of choice in my left hand,
Squinting against the sand.

No clouds floating in the sky,
just a light blue like a sunburnt ocean.
Statues of horned demons stare to an unreachable heaven,
scurrying against the heat of the judgement of hell.

Things I never understood.
Whatever this existence was meant for
its stays buried
against that burning horizon.

And I take another swig.

Everytime, Trying to Believe

Considering that I don't really want to even write anything at the moment, what am I doing on here? I think it might be a habit, or I'm just unconsciously lying. I don't even have much to talk about. The only thing I think of when I try and write on this blog is poetry. That's why there's so much of that..

I've been listening to the song 'The only Exception' by Paramore. I can relate to it so much that it's scary. There was a point in my life that I did not believe in love at all. It's hard for me to believe that the romance type of love lasts, even if it isn't just an illusion of the mind somehow. ..I dunno. All I know, is that, everything in this life can never stay unchanging. I've never wanted to admit it before, but I hate changes; a lot of them. I hate growing older, and I hate saying goodbye to my childhood. I hate forgetting. When I was a kid, I believed in everything unwaveringly; almost foolishly. I believed in Santa Claus until I was 8. I was sick mentally when I figured out the presents from him were just bought by my mom and put under the tree at the last moment. Every time one of my fantasies break, I'm left feeling sick in my stomach, like some type of shock syndrome. I wonder if I'll be able to adapt to these things more easily later on...I hope so at least.

Whenever I write 'every time', I always want to put it as one word= everytime. Here comes my mistake fetish. Even if I do something like this, if I spell it like this, it's still correct to me, even if it isn't to other people or that stupid spell check. People always want to put things into the categories of right and wrong, to the point that it limits freedom. Why can't I just do things my own way? We've put too many rules on society, hoping that they will run our lives smoother. We depend on limitations to keep ourselves within the lines. We depend on limitations to see how far we've come. We depend on limitations to give ourselves an excuse. We depend on limitations to compare ourselves to others. We depend on limitations to limit. I'm sick of thinking like this. It's all I ever do. Aren't I useful in anything?

I look at couples. I look at my grandparents, and I think, "Is that what true love looks like?" But somehow I look at them, and I doubt. I don't think I would ever want to be in their position.

Can I even being considered human anymore? To not know what love is anymore.. I knew when I was a kid. I was so funny, and whenever I think of it I get embarrassed. There was one time a million years ago when I gave myself this project; that while my sister was away for one week I would give her a thousand letters telling her how much I loved her. I pretty much succeeded, and there were piles by the time she got back. I included my little brothers in the project too. It's been a few years, and I just barely got some of them back from my sister who was doing a little light cleaning. They are incredibly hilarious and embarrassing, to say the least. But when I look at them, I somehow feel happy. Massed produced copies of love telling letters that I hardly cared for then, yet they are so precious now, and irreplaceable. What does time do to things and people?

I wonder if I'll come up with an answer. Or, rather, my answer.
It's either that, or loneliness forever.
I can say,
I'm
sick
of
that.

Argh.
I'm bored today.
Can't think.
On my way to believing?
I wonder.
I hope so.
I want to be...

Well, either way, I have come further than I started out. I have people I care for.

Steel Stairs

Steel Stairs
by me(whatever)
to this song: Now or Never

I flop up these steel stairs.
Each step leading to heaven.

Never found.
I stare at the barbed holes
through to the ground far away.

"You may lean on me"
when did I remember such a thing?
Why?

There is silence all around me,
I climb and climb
holding desperately onto the rail.

A voice ahead of me,
I rush to separate a past from the future.
I can only think of this existence.
Between the lines

Eyes all around,
I feel them bearing me down.
Starting to run,
I realize the panting of breaths
are counting down.

Invisible hand
pulls me up this unending staircase.

I can't live alone,
like this.
Take me with you.

The snow falls,
the autumn winds,
spring rains
our summer.

Pushing the replay on my life,
I'm reliving every single moment
in each of these steps I climb.

I searched for a light to the future,
when I finally found you
through sweat, blood, tears,
you slipped away.

I halt on the steel,
staring at the sky backwards to the aether.
I will find you once again.

all the wounds littering this worthless body
I've lost everything

From the top of the building
I stare out to heaven.
Our heaven.

"Don't give up yet,"
I lean out.
My heart is fluttering
like a swallow in its cage

I will open the door,
let it fly
to heaven to meet once again
you and your beautiful voice.

"Stop."
"Don't run"
"Keep on"

A breeze flows out from the cracks in the landscape
I breathe in.
My eyes closed.
Ears open.
This is my life.

Sliding down the banister.
Replaying each of those steps.
I came this far
Only to fall

Where are you?
I don't know where to find you.
Just a smile,
just a glance
just a touch
just a sound

Give me a hint,
where have you hidden?
in this hide-and-seek game
we've been playing
all our lives.

One more step,
and over the ledge.

Running to you
falling to heaven.

I won't die yet,
even if the skin covering me
shrivels up and permeates.

Leave it all behind.

Sliding down the banister.

down,
down,
down,

away from the steel steps.
Here,
we begin again.

This was the truth,
in your teary eyes
that day.

There will always be a way.

Again,
Again.

No matter how many times we're lost.

We'll keep living.
no matter how many times we're destroyed.

down,
down
down.

Sliding down the banister.

Two swallows in the sky.